Posted on Apr 09, 2014 under Uncategorized |
I have been on the fence about writing this blog but I decided that if it helps someone, that it is worth throwing it out there.
For those who have been following my journey, my father has been dealing with several health issues in the past year that are related to his lungs, heart ect.
He is back in the hospital for the fifth time since 2013. This time it is related not only to his continued battle with aspirations but this is also being caused by his sleep apena. We had a long conversation with his lung specialist, and the very pointed comment was that this was all being complicated by his weight and the amount of mass he carries with him. We also discussed that this is something that we have talked about for over nine years, and we have been discussing the fact that he needed to start loosing weight nine years ago and he had not done anything yet because it is a hard battle.
Let me clear the air.
I will always love my father. But this does not mean I can’t hate the choices he has made.
His health has been an issue since I was in middle school, and as long as I can remember one of the topics of conversation he has had with doctors, specialists ect has been his weight. And how some of these issues would not be such big problems if he would of addressed the weight.
I have begged and pleaded so much, that I got to the point that I had to learn to accept the fact that I needed to love him where he was at and learn to let him make the decisions. It was a long road to get to that point.
Now we are in a position that unless something drastically changes, my fathers going to need to be on a ventilator at night to help his breathing. There has been no decision made to his future eating. He might be forced on a feeding tube for the rest of his life.
The fact of the matter is, this situation would not be as complicated if my father would of faced his issues head on. I know how hard it is to face issues head on because I had to face my own and get to the other side.
The bottom line is his weight has taken away so much from his life, my family ect.
I said this before and I will say it again.
If you are on your weight loss journey, and if you feel like its impossible. Don’t give up. You are worth it, Your family is worth it, your friends are worth it.
If you are struggling, reach out and ask for help. Don’t let pride stand in your way. There is help out there.
Please don’t put your family through the same things that I have had to see happen. The amount of heart break is insane, the amount things I wish could or would be different is insane.
Life is worth it.
-The Zombie Running Princess
Posted on Mar 28, 2014 under Random Thoughts |
I wear tutu’s.
I love my tutu’s
They make me smile.
They make others smile.
I will encourage others who do it.
PS- My Self Magazine subscription is done.
Posted on Mar 21, 2014 under Random Thoughts |
I think I am writing this out of sadness more then anything. I was inspired by a blog that I normally love to write this blog. This blog and blogger who I love dearly is talking about tough love and how we have to deprive ourselves when we are loosing weight and how we have to stop coddling each other and how we need to be tougher on each other.
You will notice that I never write in this blog in the context of my long standing weight loss journey anymore. Part of it is because I don’t think everyone needs to know everything. I did at one point get down to the 130′s but it was ridiculous. I honestly do not think I would be able to run marathons at 130 because I was weak as a kitten and only eating like, oh 1,000 calories a day.
I am in the high 150′s low 160′s (Thanks Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome)
I do not need or want coddling.
I am perfectly happy with that. I am still floating at size 8. I have been in this window for five years and I happy with that. I am at the gym 5-6 days a week, I am probably running three marathons this year (the third one is a maybe, I am waiting to see how the two go). On top of that. My doctor is quite happy with where I am at as he says “your are sustainable”
One of the things that I had to learn early, is I had to learn how to make this lifestyle work in the real world. Because at times, you are not able to control what is happening around you. And anyone who follows my real world adventures know my life is CRAZY. My dad just moved to adult foster care and we are still trying to figure out if he is coming home, I have been helping mom make decisions. I am working on things to get my future going on from this large speed bump that has been my fathers health issues. I go out to breakfast with my mom once a week and it might not be the healthiest place but its our special time.
What does this all mean?
When can we stop stressing out about weight, and loosing weight, and those numbers on the scale and punishing ourselves? When I first read the blog that inspired this blog I was feeling bad about letting myself gain weight and not depriving myself when I know that would get me in a better position. But the honest truth is, despite all my challenges I have found my balance in places. I still have to remember to do self-care (big time problem with me) to help my body from some of the beatings it has been taking. I have nothing to be ashamed of because guess what I am not perfect. And I have come a long way since this journey started, because I trust myself the make the best decisions in the circumstances I am facing, and I have some great goals that are real under what I am facing. Just because this is no longer about weight loss and about me becoming my best self, pay the people who have inspired me on this journey forward and just keep learning from all of the people around me.
I am just a Zombie Running Princess…. Living in a Real World.
Posted on Mar 09, 2014 under Uncategorized |
I have made it known for a long time.
I am not a fan of the 10K.
I have never found my pace, my timing or my anything on a 10K.
But I think today’s event with Team Congo may of helped me in big ways.
The Team Congo event is a yearly event lead by my friend, the talented and amazing Amanda Ulrich. This events helps Women for Women International support women who are rebuilding their lives in war-torn regions. They help with education, mental health services, job skills and rights education.
This is a non-competitive event that I ran last year for the first time. It has an amazing small run feel and the runners and walkers in this event support each other no matter their pace.
It started off at check in where we picked up our shirts and Amanda explained the course. The course was a new loop on the waterfront, but it used part of the waterfront that I love running from other events.
This was a perfect morning for a run. This year the event had volunteers at every possible place a runner could be confused about the course and these volunteers had been awesome and very encouraging of all runners. And the runners… I can’t say enough good things about them. The runners are so amazing.
I had a goal and missing to stick with the 3:1 interval pace and not try and push too hard where I could not keep my pace up through the entire event which made me REALLY happy. I have also been trying to work on making sure I hydrate during an event because that has been proving to be a big problem for me.
Just as it started to rain I hit mile 5, and felt the wind change to a headwind which cut a little bit into my pace, but for the first time in a long time, I can not complain about a 10K, I really felt like I found my pace, enjoyed running the water front and loved seeing all the runners for an amazing cause.
I highly encourage all the local Portland runners to enjoy this event. It supports such an amazing cause and ran by a lady who has an amazing amount of passion for what she does.
I was trailing a couple fellow runners on the course and playing leap frog with them, which led me to push my pace a little harder then I had originally intended, but I was still keeping it at a pace that I was comfortable with.
Posted on Feb 28, 2014 under Random Thoughts |
Sometime tomorrow, The Lifestyle Accountability Show will be dropping a new podcast featuring…
I sat down and spoke with them about my journey, and learning how to live in the real world. I was frank about the down sides, needing to learn how to ask for help. It was wild to talk about my journey and be honest with it. I know I have not been perfect in this journey. I never intended it to be a perfect journey. If anything I have learned on this journey is not only do I have to realize that it was never going to be perfect, but I had to be honest about my challenges on this journey. I know I would not be where I am at without the people who have come around me and really stood up with me and helped me realize some of the things I needed.
The more I share, the more I am getting comfortable with the idea that my story can inspire people. I do learn more about how to present myself, I know it is going to get better every time I do it. And I know if my story can touch on other person, it would be worth it.
Make sure you follow me on Twitter twitter.com/bwilli27 and I will tweet when the link goes live. Also, please check out my friends at the Lifestyle Accountability Show. Adam and Devon are awesome. They can be found at http://www.lifestyleaccountability.com/
Posted on Feb 28, 2014 under Random Thoughts |
This is inspired by a wellness blog thing going around.
So here ya go, 5 things you may not know.
1- I never wanted to be a runner. Me being a runner was something I never wanted when this started. I infact ran my first 5K and SWORE I would never do it again, it felt like hell. There are some days it feels like it still and I have to remember that the first step is the hardest. And the advice I got from a former trainer makes the most sense, he taught me that I just need to focus on the step ahead of me.
2- I am a huge professional wrestling fan. Actually if you follow me on twitter, or my personal facebook time line this is no surprise. Its just an athletic soap opera and the guys and gals who do it work harder then a lot of athletes on this planet.
3- I have danced with The Blazer Dancers. I have done two dance camps when I was way younger to dance with the Blazer Dancers on the NBA court. I was front row center court, its is something to this day I will never forget.
4- I dream of going to Ireland one day. I want to run in Ireland, I want to see it, I want to experience it.
5- I used to be a really good sports photographer. There are several hockey players who can atest to this. I used to take lots of hockey photos, and they used to be shared among our local team. It got to be too costly of a habit. (But then again so is running)
Posted on Feb 19, 2014 under Race Stuff |
To be honest, since George’s passing, I have been on the fence about doing Doggie Dash this year. I am still not certain I want to do it, because it was George and I’s event. We signed up last year but his health issues got in the way and we had been unable to do it.
But the Oregon Humane Society puts on an amazing event, that is friendly for runners and walkers a like. This years event is May 10, 2014 at Waterfront Park.
This is an noncompetitive, untimed run and walk that features 2 distances. The long distance is 2.5 miles and takes you on the esplanade and back to the party down by Salmon Street Springs. Walkers can also take on 1.5 miles through downtown Portland.
The party in the park features a pancake breakfast (with a new treat this year, Mimosas), pet related vendors, music, fashion shows for your pet, pet contests
I have love for the Humane Society for the lives they have saved and I highly recommend people who are looking for a fun non-competitive event to check this event out.
You can find out more at http://www.oregonhumane.org/doggiedash/register.asp
Posted on Feb 16, 2014 under Race Stuff |
I wrote this blog as part of my experiences as a SF Marathon Ambassador about there #reasontorun. As this is a huge part of my journey this year, I am sharing it here. And how my reasons to run have changed so much in the last year.
Ever have someone so small change your life in so many ways?
He came to us abused. He was found in a barn chained by his back legs. He was rescued and brought back to health before he came to his furever home with us. When he was brought to us, he came scared, shaking and not wanting to get to know his own family.
Despite his past he showed every one around him the definition of unconditional love. He became my best friend through some family health issues. We would come back from doctor appointments, and he was always the one waiting at home with his tail wagging, and wanting just a little bit of love. When I started my journey to find my health and happiness, there had been days I would home in tears and he would be the one waiting to calm me down and remind me that he loved me. While I was finishing school he would snuggle up with me while I studied and just wanting a little bit of attention. He would go to nursing homes and become the star of the show, he would let himself get picked up and carried around like a sack of potatoes because he knew it would make people smile. There are some days he would just hang out on his bed while I would handle to day to day chores and he would just want a few head pets and to be able to hand out and watch. He would also be my co-pilot riding with me in the car and relishing all of the attention he would get from passers by.
The last couple years spending time with him would be my reward after a workout. We would hang out while I changed clothes. And I swear I could tell him about a work out and even though we all know he didn’t understand the words, he understood the tone.
About a year ago he was diagnosed with a grade 6 heart mur-mur and we knew his time could be short. He never let it stop him. On nice days we would go for a walk, or just sit outside and enjoy the sunshine. He still paid visits to people, he still was the one you could always count on for unconditional love.
On January 12, his heart unexpectedly gave out and he passed away in the arms of his family. That night I made the decision to dedicate my entire running year to him, hoping that I could raise some funds to make a difference so other animals and families could be brought together like George and I had been. A lot of George’s four footed and two footed friends call Seattle home, and the Seattle Humane Society allows for athletes to work on fund raising for a whole year with all the funds going direct to their programs.
When asked why I run, I often tell people its because I want to keep finding the stronger me, but this year it is to honor someone who in his own little way helped me find the stronger me.
You can check out my fundraiser and help contribute here.
Posted on Feb 08, 2014 under Uncategorized |
Well the start of my race season has been postponed. I was supposed to kick off the race season with the Falconia Amenia 8K on Sunday.
Welcome to the 7 or so inches of snow. Portland is officially in lock down.
Being I barley know how to walk in the snow, running has all but impossible. On top of that I tried to give myself a concussion putting away pellets for the stove when my head hit the shelf without looking. Maybe this has all been a blessing. Gives me a chance to recover, get more running in and be ready for my true kick off next month. (Portland’s running season does not really pick up until March). I have been enjoying the walks in the snow and its been deep enough the back of my legs burn when I am out walking. I wish I was running but it is what it is.
I keep dreaming about July and running the San Fransisco Marathon. The sun, the Golden Gate Bridge all of it. The SF Marathon has been kind enough to send me a great box of goodies being in ambassador, so I am going to share all the love I have gotten with you, my reader. Today you can win one of the fabulous TSFM cotton Marathon shirts I have. I have sizes S-L in the following three, you will get one of your choice.
Have you registered yet? Go to www.thesfmarathon.com and use my code DSC10TSFM2014A8, it saves you 10.00
a Rafflecopter giveaway
Posted on Feb 05, 2014 under Uncategorized |
Excuse the late night blog session.
I am so glad it never happened.
You heard me right.
I am glad something never happened.
Before this crazy journey started a long time ago, I was the girl who thought I was going to have to be on a show like the Biggest Loser to lose weight. After watching the show tonight, I now realize that not making it was the biggest blessing ever.
I have always been honest, it took me a year to loose the weight, and I am just celebrating seven years later this year keeping it at a maintenance. It took time, because I did it healthy, I did it in a way that would be maintainable long term. I was always told that it was about health first.
As for Rachel’s BL Win, I have been fortunate enough to talk and consider several people who have been on the show friends. They talk about the fact the show was a pressure cooker, that the producers constantly told them that it was all about their weight loss, and the only thing that matters is the numbers. They shared how they got treated like cattle instead of people. The pressure is so intense that its easy to get caught up in it, because you are cut off from people who care about you, (all the communication is monitored) and are constantly being told you need to loose.
On top of that the weight loss has been so hard to keep up after, because loosing so fast is so unhealthy.
And after the show when you are on your own, trying to figure out how to get into your life, on your own, the journey is scary.
Through my journey, I went through a lot. I was lucky to work with some great trainers who helped figure out how to eat in the real world. They encouraged me to eat healthy but be realistic about my life.
I have a trainer in particular who put me through hell frequently, he got into my head and showed me how to get out of my own way. He forced me to to confront my own self-sabotage literally by not putting up with it. I fought him a lot (Zac, I am sorry)
It was a journey where I not only had to get healthy physically but mentally.
In the last six and 3/4 years, my weight has fluxed, a lot of it has to do with the polysitic ovarian syndrome. I am still at a healthy weight loss. I have no regrets about anything on this journey and I am proud of all of the things I have accomplished on it. I have ran three marathons and am adding two more in 2014. I have graduated college, I am about to become a certified group fitness instructor (whoops, this might not of been announced yet.) I am have been honored to be an ambassador for a dream come true marathon (Thank you SF peeps), I have been a named a Skora shoe ambassador (that may not of been announced either, deal with it). I know there is more for me to accomplish and I am planning on it. (If you can’t tell by the lack of updates, I have been working on things)
I have always remembered to work things one step at a time and work from self, performance and education and try and let the rest go and take care of itself. I have an amazing team of people around me who encourage and inspire me. I know the journey never ends and will.
I am grateful my BL journey never started because it gave the Zombie Running Princess a chance to have a journey on her own.