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Late Night Musings: “This One is a Fighter”

Dang.
I went through a large patch where I haven’t wanted to write too many personal blogs. And now the spark is coming back to write.

I will be blunt. Some of what I want to say is going to come off crazy. Just follow me a bit. We will get through it.

One quick piece: Also I am in the running for a position at Pace Per Mile. If you could please stop by: Pace Per Mile and vote I would appreciate it.

Now onward.

If you read the last musings blog, I am defiantly in one of those places that I am putting it all out there to reach my goals; between trying to get the social media guru in me to the next level, trying to make sure running in 2016 is much better then 2015, the Pace Per Mile thing and a few other things which I am not quite ready to bring up in the blog.

But one of the things I have had to figure out is its going to be a fight for me to get anywhere.

If you have followed my blog you know about the health issues that my dad has faced, and I am probably going to get too personal here but I really am to the point I don’t care.

Obesity has been an awful part of my life for the past three years. My dad has been dealing with the consequences of it. Part way through this journey his doctors made it crystal clear, if he would of changed his path we might not of been here.

It’s changed all of us.

He has been in denial for the longest time about it. I think it has been the hardest thing for all of us to handle, the denial that obesity has been the big key to what caused all this.

Do not get me wrong. I love my dad, I always will. But I don’t like what this has done.

I went through my own journey with obesity, and I am lucky enough to continue in “maintenance” for the last five years. I know how challenging it has been, and I know what I went through. I truly became a “fighter”.

The thing is, watching someone go through the journey can truly be draining. You want to be there and support them but to be honest its costly.

I have watched dreams and things I have worked for fall by the way side because this has been my focus. I have convinced myself that going after certain dreams isn’t worth it.

The fight was kind of gone.

Obesity has taken so much of what is important to me.

Because I didn’t stay true to the boundaries I had set.

So many people have encouraged me to go after my dreams and leave this in the past. They have supported, they have cheered, they have been in my corner. But I have let this stop me from making the big leaps.

I had a long talk with my dads social worker who is a rockstar. She said it best when she said “You have done a lot of amazing things, but this has held your full life back for the past three years”

Bingo.

And the thing is, if I can survive the past three years. I can keep going and see where this road takes me, I just have to be willing to channel the inner fighter.

Thanks for following the train of thought. I just needed to put it all out there.