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ZRP Musings: Self Doubt Still Kills Me

I have not ran away from this place.

😉

I just have not been feeling all Zombie Running Princessey as of late.

But lets talk about a few things:

Dad’s home. If you have followed me on social media for any length of time you know my dads been in and out of hospitals for the past three years. I am excited to say he is home and doing pretty dang well. We have hit a few bumps in the road but its expected. Each day gets better.

Self Doubt Kills: I have been in a bit of a personal transition since dads been home and since I have been more focused on career and taking care of myself instead of taking care of the things that tend to take my attention. I have been saying no a lot more and been more focused on my goals instead of everyone elses. And I think that fear of letting other people down has been problematic.

I have always had an issue with self doubt in my head. I dont think the problem will ever quite go away. 2a4cd721fde84f1432fca6c4d339e60210c2b8047ed40e7357c5f79f790655dfI think a lot of it is I never saw myself as the one pursuing success. I so love what I do at Mud Run Guide, I love what I do at PWF and I am driven to be better. But I always go back to the girl who was a secretary, who had no further vision.

I think that has been the biggest thing, despite coming so far, I will always see the before me. I know who I am, just sometimes I need to remember to embrace the hell out of it.

The thing is, I have had a lot of good help, especially from a few of my “brothers” to realize that I have the talent to take it forward even when I don’t see it.

I am getting there, but it will always be my biggest challenge.

I will talk more about running soon, but my plan to just focus on SF and Seattle was a SMART idea. think I am more focused on getting better on what makes sense. I am still pacing (actually pacing one of my faviorte races this weekend.)

More later, just wanted to throw out in the open why I haven’t been blogging all that much.