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Everything Evolves

Pull up an Appletini (Yes, if you are a wrestling fan you know what the reference is from)…..

When I sat down to write my “Why I Run” piece a couple weeks ago. I did not expect it to be so cathartic or therapeutic. I really just wanted to share the what got me started on this crazy journey.

And I see it in the evolution of my blogging. When I first started to share the racing journey (before I crashed the you know what out of this two years ago) I really was just talking about the battle with my weight and honestly all the luggage that I was carrying, and then it was how running changed me and I wanted to get faster, thinner and fitter, then we talked a lot of products and then it kind of circled back towards the things I have learned while being on this journey.

Just like running. I started this just to lose weight. Then I became (and okay still am a bit) a bling whore, and

One of my favorite trails in Seattle… And an old car.
then the ambassadorships and using those as a chance to share my story. Now I am at a point that it has circled back to the point where I do it to try and help people like I was helped while exploring new places and challenges a long the way.

Its all about the evolution. Even though I hate change in general and have been trying to get in myself back in that comfort zone box lately (before you say anything, I will be the first one to admit I had a crisis of confidence again. Sometimes things just suck.) , seeing the words spill out on paper (or on computer, whatever suits your fancy) helped me realize that, you know what. Things are always changing. I am always being challenged. Even when I do not realize it.

Speaking of challenges. Someone I respect. (I shant say who) challenged me to get my trail shoes back on and see the world from the trails. It does not even need to be in a racing form, just a chance to see my running world through a different lense. Last week I spent a good two hours on the trails here in Portland and it was amazing. Its a workout without a workout.

I don’t know how to explain it. I am evolving professionally right now to. I defiantly feel like I am finding my voice as a social media manager. But I am also finding that I know where I can be better and trying to find ways to improve.

But real talk… Sometimes it still sucks.

Sometimes you get told no way too much.

Sometimes you just make stupid decisions.

Sometimes you get told you suck.

Sometimes you get told to get your ass back in line doing what people expect you to.

But the evolution continues.

Done with Fitness Blogging.

I hate fitness blogging.

Hate it.

I used to love it. I used to feel connected it to it at a deep level. I used to feel like I had a story that inspired people. I also felt connected to the community. I also loved my brand ambassadorships and felt pride the companies trusted me to carry their brand banner.

Then things started to change.

Bloggers have become more cut throat to get sponsored posts, ambassadorships and other agreements. Well known fitness bloggers have said to me “Well if you would just work out more, be a little faster, eat healthier, ect, maybe companies would do more with you.”

Sorry, not going to sell my balance, my sense of self or anything else for a piece of the pie.

Companies are now flocking to influencers that obviously have disordered thinking on their eating or working out. I wont mention the company but a company worked with an influencer who is on a restricted diet where there is no way on gods green earth she would ever use their product.

Where did it go all of course? I thought fitness blogging was supposed to be more about using out influence to inspire someone to get off the couch, to inspire someone to find the happiness in their life.

I don’t think anyone is to fault. I think as bloggers those shiny little tokens of sponsored posts ect are nice. The money is nice. But I tried chasing those little tokens and all it got me was burned out. And I really wish companies would watch who they deal with. Paying someone to do an ad about beer that does not drink beer is just wrong on so many levels.

Anyhow. As for me, I have dropped all my ambassadorships but one. I came home to Skirt Sports. This one is not about the money. If you have read any of my blogs you know they have been part of my story since the beginning and I stand with their #RealWomenMove philosophy. You don’t have to be the strongest, fastest, most social media connected. They believe in the balance in a women’s life. The women I serve with juggle real working lives, with staying active, families, friends and everything. They are true inspirations, motivators, and motivators.

I am still running but I am running more for me this year. I am also going to do an OCR. I figure I spent two freaking years working in the field its time to actually do one. (I will be at Rugged Manaic in June at PIR partially for my work) I am running SF again this year but not as an ambassador. I am going to support the Hogwarts Running Club with all my heart. I will be running just to enjoy it. I am eyeing an Ultra for the fall, but I have pacing responsibilities so I have not found one I love.

I am also not race volunteering other then for a couple of races I do love. Race volunteering started more about how much work companies could jam out of me and it never felt like enough. I have been focusing on volunteering for things that fill my bucket. I am a proud volunteer at the USO here in Portland. Serving our troops and our families has been an amazing experience.

You will still get blogs from me, and I might still do reviews but I am not going to touch something I won’t use in my day to day life. I want to be back to my social media being the chalk board of my journey and all the things I have learned along the way. I have a few blogs that have been on the back burner about other goals I am working on so they may happen soon. I am aiming for 2018 miles on my feet in 2018, rediscovered my love for spinning.

Lets see where the journey takes me in 2018.

ZRP Musings: I Don’t Get Bloggers Anymore

First off, quick update on training for SF. I feel like I am making progress right now. Due to allergies and a combination of things a majority of my running has been on the treadmill but I am okay with it. I am making small speed and distance progress with every run. I am patient, it will all come together. I will do another update later regarding that.

But the main topic of this blog is for me to voice something I don’t get. I will probably offend someone by saying

I was trying to find an Appletini drinking meme, this will do
what I am saying and I may sound like a bully. But I made a promise to get back to the basics this year. And I am doing that.

I won’t call out the blogger in particular. But there is a blogger who posted something the other day about how she is injured and won’t be able to run X event, she does not understand why and she is afraid of letting readers down.

Here is the thing;

She does multiple runs of 18 miles sometimes back to back. She does not take rest days that any of us can tell what so ever. Her eating has made some readers question if she has an eating disorder. By all indications she should of been injured a long time ago. She was living on borrowed time. I feel for her totally. Injuries suck, they derail out goals and plans. (I just dropped out of a race I was supposed to do in April because my doctors was 110 percent against the idea). People freely admit they compare themselves to her in terms of their workouts, their nutrition.

If you are stopping yourself and saying whoa, pull up and have a drink of wine with me. (Or an Appletini, its a wrestling thing)

Reading a lot of blogs like I do, I started noticing a trend. We as healthy living or running bloggers (depending on the ball park) are so hyper-focused on clean eating/bad eating, we beat ourselves up when we are not perfect, we are making sure we get out workouts in, ect. Do we think about the kind of influence we are on people or are we so worried about ambassadorships, ad space ect that we don’t care?

I know when I took myself out of the ambassador game last year it was because I was so busy trying to look good and blow everyone away I was running myself into the ground. Running had all of a sudden become unfun and I was comparing myself to other bloggers. I was not eating the way they did, I was not training the way I should. I kept two (SF and my new adopted Hedstrom Fitness, along with my affiliate stuff)that made sense for my goal where I am at.

If this is what fitness and running blogging is about, I bid you all goodbye now.

Let me be blunt.

I have never considered myself an inspiration or role model. There are some days that I want a hamburger and I walk up to Dairy Queen (live 6 blocks from one, seriously) and get myself one. I don’t do it all the time but I never tell myself I can’t or its dirty. I work with a talented running coach who helps make sure that I am not over training. And I think he was ecstatic when I walked away from a bunch of my commitments.

I was also taught early in my weight loss journey that not only moderation is key, but its okay to give yourself a break. Its okay to indulge, its okay to say “Hey my body is saying heck no today, its time to give it a break”. You just have to make sure you are in balance and it is not an all the time thing.

Could I be thinner, faster, prettier? No doubt, but I am happier in my own skin.

But then again, maybe I just don’t get any of it.

ZRP Musings: Let the marathon training fun begin #runchat #fitfluential

This week basically starts the training cycle for The San Francisco Marathon for me, and the training plan. It is kind of that moment where you realize the next few months are going to be nothing but hard work, doing whatever it takes to get to that goal of the finish line on the Pier in SF.

I think it hit me why I have not done this in awhile. Actually my last marathon was the full two years ago in SF. Not to go into the specifics; I swore off marathons after that point. For me coming back to SF was like literally unfinished business.

I am not certain I have a time goal for this. I just want to be really see the finish line stronger then did the first time.

After talking to a friend today I realized most of this was mental. I have a great training plan from Club Hill Runner (got to give love to my coach) and I am still doing my OCR workouts and I think the combination works well for me and pushes me.

I have been so crazy with my client. But it has been a good thing.

I have been working with the Wolfpack Ninja’s on the promotion of their Ninja event. It has been a challenge for me because I have had to learn how to bring my writing to an event style level but I have also gotten to work with the people who have inspired me and for years as I have watched their American Ninja Warrior journey’s.

I really do love the work that I do. I am spoiled. There are days that I question it. But I am learning how to embrace my skill and talent for it.

I think making the decision to cut back on some of the extra commitments this year as the best feeling ever. I really feel like the focus is back to being me, running this blog for me and just opening the door out to more opportunities. There are some things coming down the pike that I am really happy for.

Sometimes you just have to jump.

More later.

OHHH as an aside, because lord knows I said I was going back to things that made me smile. As a wrestling fan I have never smiled harder.

Late night musings from The Zombie Running Princess: SF Marathon, Sand Castles…. And wrestling….

I have not written one of these late night musings blogs in awhile. The blog has been more about business stuff then anything else as of late; manly because I have had a lot of random things going on in my head and have not really wanted to spill it all out.

Let me start off with the happy news; this week I was asked back as a 3rd year San Fransisco Marathon Ambassador. The

marathon has been an amazing experience; and when I jumped into doing this blog thing they are literally the first company to see my story and really truly believe in it. I already can’t wait to be back. I have learned so much every time I have been there and met so many amazing people. I will be saying a lot more about this in the next few weeks; but mark July on your calendar.

I am already super excited for 2016 in terms of running. I think I will be able to shoo some of the negative 2015 vibes away.

Despite the good news, the last few months I have just been struggling with my confidence as of late. I can’t really put a finger on it, other then I feel like there has been a ton of negative, harried energy around me and I have not been able to beat it back. In conversation with a friend the topic of sand castles came up and how sometimes life comes around and turns the sand castles you are building on its head and turn them to dust. I have been lucky that I have some amazing friends who have been able to help step outside what it is going on and really help try and keep the ship on track.

It has always been my biggest challenge. I need to remember to realize that I can go after my dreams, I can persue whatever it is that makes me happy. I can shoot for the moon. And I need to remember to ask for help when I am drowning in the negative energy.

So I have been working on some things for my future. I don’t want to go into much at the moment, but I am happy/nervous about some of the direction I am taking, even though some people around me are not.

I went off on my personal Facebook about another topic this week. And I will just say this; if you have followed my blog and my journey for any length of time. You have an idea of what kind of role obesity has played and for that matter what kind of havock it has played on my families life. I have said it before and I will say it again. If you are dealing with the journey, if you are struggling. Its worth the fight. It is worth the struggle, it is worth the looking inside of yourself and dealing with the issues. Its so hard to watch someone I love deny that obesity and their choices are at the root of the issue. And I know some of that has lead to my ugly feelings.

Change is hard. But its worth it

One last thought. You have heard me brag a lot on social media about my lovely PWF Crystal Coast. I am proud to be their social media boss. I just wanted to say it once again. These guys just came off onf an amazing show weekend the first weekend of November. I am so proud of what they are becoming and I am so proud to be on the journey with them.